Stay Tuned

Helllllloooooooo...anyone out there?

Pardon my absence - been viva-ing Las Vegas and returned to a variety of home and work duties that required my most immediate attention. Don't fret though- I just put a load of laundry in the washer and will get it online soon.

In the meantime, can somebody tell me about the Meet the Mets Mayor event last Tuesday? I hear we're getting a bike a path.

Boy, I hate to be a cynic but I'll believe that one when I peddle it for the first time.

Help Victims of Hurricane Katrina on Thursday 9/8 and Monday 9/19

Goodies, located on the corner of First Avenue and West Mount Street will be collecting donations on Thursday, September 8, from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm. Area residents are encouraged to bring items such as diapers, sheets, clothing and plastic bins for shipping. Items need to be in good condition and clean. For more information please stop by Goodies and ask for Cindy.

[updated 9/7/05]

Julia's Restaurant, located at 91 First Avenue, will donate all proceeds from dinner on Monday, September 19th to the American Red Cross. Chef Joe and owner John Valentin (former New York Mets and Boston Red Sox player) have also announced that a portion of the restaurant's September revenue will also be donated to the American Red Cross Hurricane Katrina relief fund.

Here I Come to Save the Day

If Councilman Jack Archibald has a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team Atlantic Highlands Herald.

AH Herald editor Allan Dean defends Archibald this week from the "politically motivated rumors" apparently being spread by Atlantic Highlands Democrats that Archibald is in favor of the redevelopment of the McConnell property. However, Dean doesn't name who's spreading these rumors. Why not? Is it because this rumor is a rumor itself? Is it that he read this post and now I'm an "otherwise reliable AH Dem(s)" now turned to the Dark Side? Is Dean serious when he states that politically motivated rumors (invented by Democrats) are beginning to fly and that politics are turning ugly (damn Democrats again) now that election season has started? Anyone who reads the Herald and its forums knows that politically motivated rumors and ugly politics are what keep us reading the soap opera that is our town politics year in and year out and that Dean himself actively participates.

For the record, Mayor Donoghue wrote a letter to the editor of the Bayshore Courier stating that he's going to work to see that the McConnell property can be used for public green space. Councilman Carl Nolan has also gone on record saying he is working toward stopping any kind of development on our shores. I'm yet to read or hear Archibald and the Republicans come out against this development. He's used the issue to try to paint the Democrats as being lazy and incompetent, yet he's been on the Council for nine years, has been involved in the town's Master Plan, has worked to protect other green space in town and yet no word on this property. Why?

Well, regardless of what I think, the Mayor thinks or Councilmen Archibald and Nolan think, you should let these folks know what you think.

AHES Renovation

Wednesday night's open house at the newly renovated AHES was a nice event. The teachers and staff were very friendly and informative, leading small tours through different classrooms and wings of the building. I encourage anyone who couldn't make it to drop by the school and take a tour. Some things I noticed:

• Some classrooms still have the original built-in cabinets and closets. Pretty neat.
• Most classrooms have at least two computers and the new media center is high-high-tech.
• Teachers still use the same cassette players and old-school headphones that I remember from elementary school. Couldn't we have afforded an iPod for each class? (That's a joke - I can hear a few Republican council members cursing my name right now).
• The band room is really smelly. What's up with that?
• The cake in the cafeteria was tast-eee and nearly swallowed whole by my daughter. Good thing she's a messy eater and left some crumbs on her party dress for me.

Carnival of New Jersey Bloggers

I'm a little late on this but check out last Sunday's edition hosted by PDC Ryan of If This Is Paradise I Wish I Had a Lawn-mower. The latest installment of the Carnival will be hosted by Have You Had Your Dojo Mojo Today? Look for it on Sunday. If this carney talk don't make sense to you read about the party here.

Hurricane Relief

The Keansburg Fire Department in association with the Keansburg Office of Emergency Management and the Keansburg Police Department will be making an emergency supply collection for the victims of Hurricane Katrina which hit the South.

Here's a list of organizations that are also collecting money to help those affected by the hurricane.

You can read a first hand account how horrible the situation is in New Orleans on this blog.

Miscellany

• Just 7 days until TRT: The Book! Kick off your driving mocs, sit back and relax with a good book in whichever of your 30 rooms you decide.
• Long Trail...mmmm...Magic Hat....number 9, number 9, Otter Creek...Get to know your Vermont beers with our very own Beerman.
• I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore! Anderson Cooper of CNN let the Sen. Mary Landrieu (Democrat of Louisiana) have it big time.
• Area Man Training For Upcoming Sanford And Son Marathon.
• Check out Down the Shore, a blog covering our backyard.

....nah, nah, nah, nah...nah, nah, nah, nah....hey hey, goodbye. All together now.

Buh-bye Bennies!

Have a great Labor Day weekend!

Hovnanian proposal not right for town

The following letter was published in the Bayshore Courier on August 25, 2005. Thank you to Associate Editor Jackie Corley for providing a copy.

To The Editor:

The proposal by Hovnanian to build 42 condominium units on the Atlantic Highlands waterfront is an ill-conceived idea worthy of opposition by all officials and residents.

I am absolutely against this high-density housing proposal and will fight it in any way possible. It is my belief that under no circumstances should any developer be allowed to build any more homes on this sensitive land than the R-1 zone allows. Anything more would add considerably to area traffic and safety concerns, increase school enrollment and taxpayer costs and further burden the water and sewer systems.

As a matter of fact, I think it would be wise for the borough to look into the possibility and implications of acquiring the land for public use, taking advantage of Green Acres and other available funding. The McConnell tract is, after all, one of our last water front properties and its preservation would be a marvelous legacy to the people of our community.

But whatever use evolves, I believe Hovnanian has evidenced a lack of concern for the people of the borough by pursuing this proposal, now in the hands of the Planning Board, despite the clearly expressed views of both residents and borough officials.

More than that, they have challenged the borough's right to afford able housing certification under Mount Laurel II, an action that will cost the borough considerable taxpayers' money to contest. Therefore, let me make it clear that I oppose this proposed development and I have grave questions about whether Hovnanian has any other goal than making money, despite the impact on the shore and its residents.

Peter E. Donoghue
Mayor, Atlantic Highlands

Wanookie Friday

Welcome to Wanookie.

A long time ago when the New York Giants won the Superbowl, a reporter asked then New York City Mayor Koch if he was going to throw a parade for the team in downtown NYC. To which he said something to the effect of, "they can have their parade in Wanaque." Just a Jersey rookie when I read about the incident, I read the line as a parade in wä-nä-kē -- which sounded like a lot of fun to me. Wanakie eventually evolved into wä-nōō-kē so as to compliment Jay's line "schnookie nookie!" in Clerks . Hence, Fridays (fun) = Wanookie. Now you know. Someday perhaps I'll tell you all about the Extremely Raritan Bridge and Say You, Say Me, Sayreville... Naturally.

Hey somebody's gotta have some fun 'round here. Sure as hell ain't no fun at Borough Hall. We gots ourselves a battle royale. And it's only August. The November Council election is still 74 days away but somebody tell Mean Gene Okerlund to git his monkey suit on and git on down here to start the show. In addition to the Borough Attorney circus there's another carnival in town called the McConnell Property. And like always, it's a game of he said, she said, leaving residents like me scratching their heads.

Councilman Jack Archibald (who is gearing up for his November campaign) supports the redevelopment of the McConnell Property by K. Hovnanian. Archibald's latest Body Politic column in the Atlantic Highlands Herald is entitled McCONNELL PROPERTY SHOULD BE CLEANED UP BEFORE SALE TO HOVNANIAN (fait accompli, no?). Archibald believes if the borough forced New Jersey Natural Gas to clean up the site then Hovnanian would only need to build single-family homes and not multi-family units to subsidize the cost of the environmental clean-up. And who gets the blame for not forcing a cleanup of the property - the Donoghue Administration of course, who according to Archibald, have "neglected the issue for the past year."

However, Councilwoman Stephanie Ladiana writes, "for the last 9 years he [Archibald] seems to have intentionally ignored this property. Now that it’s convenient for him to take a position on it, he does. The only problem he’s constantly contradicting himself."

Looks to me like Archibald is on the developer's side on this one. He worked to designate the area for residential development, left the area off of the Borough's Open Space and Recreation Plan and as such does not agree with a majority of residents.

So, enquiring minds want to know - clean or dirty? Development or green space? Oh and there's this whole thing about a lawsuit about Atlantic Highlands not providing affordable housing units which could somehow provide a loophole for Hovnanian to get in. I hope the Democratic candidates spell out a clear point-of-view on this issue and I hope that view is that this property should become waterfront green space for all residents to enjoy.

Dynamobuzz pointed me to this article from the Wall Street Journal that takes another look at how the Supreme Court's decision in the case of Kelo vs. City of New London could affect homeowners in Long Branch who continue to fight to keep their homes from being dozed for luxury condos.

And since it's Wanookie let's have some fun:

• Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New "Intelligent Falling" Theory
• Mary Had a Little Lamb. It Was Delicious: Klingon Fairy Tales
• Dictatorship's Secret: The Mall's Banana Republics for the New Millennium
• Stop smearing us!

The Summer Wind

The summer wind, came blowin’ in - from across the sea
It lingered there, so warm and fair - to walk with me
All summer long, we sang a song - and strolled on golden sand
Three sweethearts, and the summer wind

Please pardon my absence. The Hill family has had one hell of a summer full of BBQ's, cold brews, beach trips, mountain retreats, cape fire marshmallows, limousine rides and rock n' roll shows, fireworks, sangria, Brazilian dance parties and a whole lot o' plain ol' downhome git down and boogie in the backyard. Can a brother get an Amen to that?!

Hummala bebhuhla zeebuhla boobuhla hummala bebhuhla zeebuhla bop!

Feels good to be back. Shasta!

'Tis fickle indeed that summer wind. Such a strange time when August winds down. Summer's end is September 22 accordingly to the calendar but as we all know folks, summer's cooked. It's back to school time (and back to bloggin' time). Not to say there isn't a lot more fun in the sun to be had before we start raking leaves (which are beginning to fall if you've got a keen eye that sort of thing) but the temperatures are dropping, the sunlight is different, the days are getting shorter and you can just feel it...ain't no cure for the summertime's over blues.

Unless you pop some Xanax and the cork off a 1990 Dom Perignon, relax with a good read by the pool and live the life that is....
Two River Times: The Book.

Our readers know and enjoy the best of many worlds, moving easily between penthouse and playing field; Big Apple and horse farm. Whether sporty, flirty or fun, they're well-read and well-traveled. In the boardroom or on the back nine, two river people mean business: they believe in living life rich -- rich in laughter, rich in luxury, rich in adventure, and most of all, rich in spirit. They know that each of us has only one ticket on this carousel ride of life -- and they're grabbing for the gold ring.

Damn. I rather enjoyed my lunch and that carousel ride just made me lose it.

But the question is, is there enough room on this fancy carousel for both TRT: The Book and M.A.R. Magazine (Mid-Atlantic Riviera)? I for one can't wait to see who wins the leather corset belt (you heard it here first - fall's must have accessory) in the prize fight for the glassy-eyed attention Monmouth County's desperately nouveau riche housewives.

Some things haven't changed since summer started:

• Republican council members continue to battle the Borough Attorney.
• Democratic Mayor Peter Donoghue continues to battle the council republicans.
• No work has been done on the bike trail.
• Lawsuits continue in the battle for Sandy Hook.

Let me hear you say this $#!% is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s*

And some things have changed:

• Bella's has opened on First Avenue. The reviews are in and are stellar so far.
• The Atlantic Highlands Elementary School hired Christopher Rooney as the new superintendent.
• The Front Porch Club has launched a new website. Check it out and get involved.
• Jackie Corley from the Bayshore Courier has launched Bayshore Journalista, a new blog covering news scandals around the area. [note: a link to the site has been added to the blogroll so you can keep up with the soaps]

I'm just getting warmed up and caught up with all the news that's been shakin' and bakin' round the Bayshore. Please tune in again regularly as I'll be spinning all the hits of the day.

* Best song of the summer. Ya gots to love the Gwen Stefani.

Interview with a Kharakh

Ben Kharakh of Middletown is a graduate of the Communications High School of the Monmouth County Vocational School District. His website, One Trick Pony, offers a collection of humor pieces written by Ben and assorted imaginary collaborators. Ben's list of "Sexual Euphemisms That Won't Catch On" was recently published in the book Created in Darkness By Troubled Americans: The Best of McSweeney's Humor Category. I recently corresponded with Ben via an interpreter using electronic mail; here's what we talked about.


Is it true you look like a mustached Jonathon Taylor Thomas? And if so are you single for our lady readers?
Keith [Whitener - PR flack] is the one with the 'stache. I look more like Rock Hudson than the middle child from Home Improvement. There will be plenty of time for women when I'm dead. Right now, I have to concentrate on saving the world from mediocre comedy.

Thoughts on mustaches?
I prefer the look of fake 'staches and am known to wander around public places with faux whiskers.

Do you have a permanent residence?
I do.

I read an article where you referred to yourself in the third person. Why would you do that?
To spice things up.

Let's play Madlibs:
I was so traumatized by the time I was 30 years old that my only solace was my poop badminton skills and stupid ability to poo. Thus the Mohwak, books, Tevas and toilet.

Are you funny because you really hurt inside?
I build a wall to keep people on the other side, but they keep waiting. And picking.

What is your caffeinated beverage of choice and have you ever stolen from someone you love to get a fix?
Caffeine keeps me up, so I avoid it. I once had a Pepsi at three P.M and couldn't fall asleep until one in the morning.

Describe The Catcher in the Rye in five words:
J.D. Salinger's only good book.

Are you one wild and crazy guy?
I give Dan Ackroyd and Steve Martin a run for their money.

Rt. 35 or Rt. 36 – which is one is da bomb?
Choosing between the two is like choosing between one's own children. I don't want to contribute to global over-population, so I don't have to worry about that.

Most people ride horses or in cars – what's your ride?
I drive a class III Armored Vehicle - a 1990 Cutlass Sierra. Watch out on the road because I will not hesitate to crush you.

Name two people if given the chance you would whisper sweet nothings in their ear and what would you say?
Whispering makes me uneasy and I wouldn't want to infringe on someone's comfort zone, so I wouldn't partake in such an activity.

Hello, Hello Again

Yikes, it's been a long time. I hope there are some people out there still reading the AH Muse. I suppose if worse comes to worst I could manufacture a few controversies to get some attention. It works for some AH republicans...

Congrats to local humorist Ben Kharakh (of Middletown I think) on the publishing of a list he submitted to the McSweeney's website. Ben's list, "Sexual Euphemisms That Won't Catch On," was included in the book Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans: The Best of McSweeney's Humor Category. I've been slacking off on putting together an interview with Ben but hope to share some of our email exchanges soon. For those of you who don't know, McSweeney's is a big deal. At least to me.

The New Jersey Dept. of Transportation will be building a suicide lane bike path along the northbound and southbound sides of Route 36, extending the Henry Hudson Bike Trail from Atlantic Highlands to Sandy Hook. This better not be the completion of the decades-in-the- making Bayshore bike trail. Nuts! The idea of the bike path is for me and my family to be able to enjoy a leisurely ride to the beach, not get run off the road by cars speeding by at 60 mph and throwing cans of Mountain Dew out the window.

As the Bike Trail currently ends around Route 36 and Ave. D, I had to put my legs to work last Friday when I hooked up my daughter's trailer to my mountain bike and climbed the "highland" in Atlantic Highlands to get to the bay beach in Highlands. While the exhilaration of feeling like Lance Armstrong climbing the Pyrenees was fun my legs felt like they were made of chum chutney by the time I got home. If they don't finish the bike path by next summer my little not-so-little girl ain't gettin' any more free rides to the beach.

(PS - Gatorade is bunk - Long Trail Ale will replace any lost electrolytes and get you back on your feet in no time, especially if your BOF (Beer Only Fridge - thank you Mr. Beerman) is about 15 feet away from your lounge chair.

Please Mister Beerman/look and see/oh yeah
If there's a summer wheat beer in your fridge for me
Please, please Mister Beerman
Why's it takin' such a long time/oh yeah
For me to ride that bike trail of mine

Anyway. So apparently there's yet another "scandal" at Borough Hall (gasp gasp!). The Borough appointed a new Chief Financial Officer - Dawn L. Babcock - and, as always, our own Fox and Mulder (registration required) are on the case. This episode leads us down a trail of conspiracies and cover-ups and takes us to the spooky swamplands of Rutherford, NJ. You know weird stuff goes on there near dem Meadowlands - people with green faces, giants, devils, little men in silk. But it gets weirder. The new CFO was employed by Rutherford for only two-and-a-half months. THE HORROR!!

Thus our latest controversy. When the Council came out of an executive session in which the offer to Ms. Babcock was debated the people demanded to know who she was, where she worked, what she would be making, what her favorite pizza topping is and what dirt they could use to further the relentless assault on the dreaded Democratic Donoghue Regime. When Councilwoman Ladiana refused to answer these questions all hell broke loose - though I did hear the Councilwoman said that the new CFO likes pineapple on her pizza, which is weirder still (and unconfirmed). And why didn't our elected official cave into the demands of the angry mob? Because she's a tyrant on a power binge? A mad scientist that likes to tie residents up (preferably midgets) and throw food bits at them? No, she didn't make any announcements or answer questions because the prospective job candidate had not officially accepted the Council's offer. Thus, nothing to talk to about. Ah, but plenty to write about on the Atlantic Highlands Herald Forums, beginning in the wee hours and ending with phone calls to Ms. Babcok's former (then current) employer (which is how her former employer learned that Ms. Babcock would be resigning). Nice work folks! What if Ms. Babcock decided not to accept AH's offer? Now her employer knows she's interviewing. And not because she was working on her resume on company time or saying she was taking a long lunch to go on an interview or two or being just plain sloppy. No, a rabid pack of dogs had to chase down and manufacture a controversy.

Because that's how you get attention. Remind me to never apply for a job at Borough Hall.

Hey folks - buried in today's post is an allusion to an influential scientist who did strange things to midgets. Your neighborhood blogger will purchase you a cold brewski if you can name that scientist.

Hee-haw?........Holy Sh%&!

Have you heard about the black bear popping up all over Monmouth County this week?

The latest sighting happened sometime around 5 a.m. Thursday, when workers at Earle reported seeing the bear on the pier that extends into Sandy Hook Bay, said Nancy Eldridge, a spokeswoman for the military base.

No one is sure how the bear found its way onto the base and out to the pier, which is off limits to the public.

"It's restricted to military personnel, so I guess we could give him a $500 fine for trespassing," Eldridge joked Thursday afternoon. "We do have wildlife on the base, but this is the first time I can remember hearing about a bear on the base."

Well I'm really happy that Ms. Eldridge can keep her sense of humor about all of this but let's get back to the part about no one knowing how the bear got onto the base and how it's like restricted and all. I don't think they're exactly transporting donuts out of Earle. Maybe I'm a bit paranoid but perhaps the security measures at Earle need to be reviewed.

The Beerman done got me drooling again. His column this week reminded me of one of the best poems I've ever read. Who's better than G. Love to get your cocktail hour bumpin' and grindin'? Nobody, that's who.

With all this talk about harbor redevelopment in town one would be smart to get to know its history.

How cute! Bishop Gordon has a crush on the American Idol!

Next year I'll be attending the PBA Ball at the Shore Casino and will do some live blogging. For now you can read all about it here.

Why this car is automatic/It's systematic/It's hydromatic/Why it's the Atlantic Highlands Antique and Classic Car Show. Git yer grease on and look at old cars this Saturday Saturday Saturday.

If there's something you don't want to win it's The Effin Eejit Award.

I find this fascinating, you may not.

And now that it's officially summertime here are some BBQ tips from The Onion:

• Marinate your ribs in bourbon before barbecuing. The best way to do this is by pouring the whiskey down your throat.
• The endangered Cebu cinnamon tree of the Philippines is the best firewood for grilling. Use anything less, and you might as well be cooking your food on top of smoldering raccoon shit.
• When barbecuing veggie burgers, be sure to tie your long hair back. That will keep it away from the flames, you stupid hippie.
• Read the entire list here

So, what did everyone think of the harbor plans? I say more green please!

Stay Tuned

Sorry folks - one of dem weeks. New content for ya bad selves coming up manana.

Viva La Revolution!

The SeaStreak boycott and email campaign worked. Thanks to all who participated and stuck it to the man. And for all those people who laughed at us and didn't want to stand up to be heard - you can buy me drinks all June with the $77 you're going to save monthly now.

From : Contact,Seastreak
Sent : Thursday, May 26, 2005 10:44 AM
To : "Contact, Seastreak"
Subject : Letter to Monmouth County Passengers

Dear Passengers:

First, let me say thank you to those of you that took the time to e-mail me. Your comments have helped me to understand your concerns and we will be making some changes during the next week or so to improve our service to you.

We appreciate the loyalty of our regular riders and effective June 1st SeaStreak will reinstate the 120 trip book at $1,517. This effectively is a $77 per month savings over our current 40-trip ticket book price.

The top deck will be open for your enjoyment on afternoon departures beginning this Friday afternoon, May 27th.

The 11:00pm E. 34 St. and 11:15pm Pier 11 departures will be returning daily on Tuesday, May 31st. This service will operate Monday – Friday initially throughout the summer.

We will be working on a number of other on-board improvements and additional concession offerings and will advise you as they are introduced.

We are in business to provide you a safe, fast and comfortable daily commute and hope that you continue utilizing the SeaStreak ferry service.

Regards,

Geoffrey Ede

Ciao Bella

It's been a while. Let's see what's shakin'...

Team Holland began it's rowing adventure in AH last week and is hoping to make it to Europe in under 55 days. How does one prepare for a trip rowing across the Atlantic? By grabbing some late night Chinese food. On my way home after stepping off a late ferry last Thursday I saw four tall, blond guys in track suits having dinner at Cheng's Garden and popped in to wish them good luck and a fond farewell. Wheaties may be the breakfast of champions but General Tso's Chicken is apparently the dinner of champions.

There's talk of merging the Highlands and Atlantic Highlands school districts. The topic has been raised at Board of Education meetings in both towns but it doesn't seem like there are any concrete plans as of yet. The idea was also explored 15 years ago according to the Asbury Park Press but never gained momentum.

Forget Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, watch out for Episode II: Attack of the Clones Hawk.

SeaStreak commuters received an email from Geoffrey Ede, Managing Director of Hoverspeed, a division of SeaStreak's parent company Sea Container based in the UK. Mr. Ede attempted to make nice with SeaStreak passengers after the second fare increase in 5 months by offering a free round-trip peak ticket for every 40-trip book bought in June. The free-ticket offer was to make up for not giving commuters ample notice to purchase a monthly book before the new fares went into effect. Whoop-dee-doo. Mr. Ede wrote:

I am aware that many of you are unhappy with the fact that the recent price increase was communicated to you with no more than a two-day notice to purchase your ticket books at current prices.

Sea Containers pride themselves on a superior level of customer service and this short notice did not live up to the company's expectations of how our valued passengers should be treated.

In order to make amends for our shortcomings, I would like to offer all our passengers who purchase a 40-trip ticket book during the month of June a complimentary peak round trip ticket. This should make up the difference of the increased monthly book price for the month of June.

I invite Mr. Ede to take a trip across the pond to chat with passengers about SeaStreak's customer service. Sea Containers may pride themselves on their "superior level of customer service" but they certainly can't pride themselves on internal corporate communications - riders have been complaining about SeaStreak management for years. Perhaps Mr. Ede will take me up on my invitation. I've seen a few UK-based ISPs visiting the AH Muse for a couple of weeks now - whoever you are maybe you can talk to Mr. Ede and tell him to hop on a plane one of these days to chat with his valued customers.

Ede goes on in his letter to inform us that "SeaStreak is working on a number of on-board improvements that will enhance your trip and you will see these launched this summer." I can’t wait!

If you didn’t detect the sarcasm of that last line you may have injured the prefrontal lobes of your brain.

Check out what's going on in the Jersey blogosphere at The Carnival of The New Jersey Bloggers. I've always wanted to be carney folk! Woo-hoo!

Don't forget that this Thursday all your friends and neighbors will be at the Fireman's Fieldhouse for a Q&A session with the engineers hired by the NJ DOT to present plans to redevelop the harbor. I hear that either Jerry Springer or Vince McMahon will be emceeing.

Shaggy, Scooby and I solved the mystery of Bel Vesuvio. All it took was some Scooby snacks and a phone call. Look for Bella's to open this June. As described to me, Bella's will be a bistro style restaurant with a raw bar. Mmmmm...raw bar. Ciao Bella's!

Now if we could only get a decent pub in town.

Mmmmm...pub.

I'm About To Find What I'm Looking For

The countdown is on! U2 at the Brendan Byrne Continental Arena! May 18th! It's Guinness time!

Speaking of U2, Jersey blogger ShoreThing ran into Bono in an elevator today. How effing cool is that! And speaking of running into Bono, Mrs. Muse and I like to play a version of lottery fantasy called "Let's have Bono over for dinner." It's a game where we pretend how exactly we happen to run into Bono and just how cool he thinks we are. Well one thing leads to another and we say, hey Bono, how about coming over for dinner? Nothing fancy. And he says sure and we have some steamers, beer and burgers and we proceed to hang out and become lifelong friends. Usually my wife throws in a part about him strumming a few acoustic tunes and serenading her and I have a part where we go shoot pool a dive bar.

We're not too excited for the show tomorrow.

As I'm boycotting Seastreak this week I can't tell if the "rideout" has been successful so far or not. I do know that there are a lot people searching the Internets for "seastreak boycott" and "boycott seastreak" and "seastreak protest" and they are landing at the AH Muse. So, if anything a statement has been made, even if only by me and a few others (hopefully about 100). Seastreak won't get my $1.50 for the liquefied product which has been injected with caffeine (aka "coffee"), or my $6 for a plastic container of beer, or my $6 for what amounts to an ever so small and teasing tiny swig of scotch. At least this week damnit.

While I'm not happy with the fare increase, it's Seastreak's complete lack of customer service that I'm boycotting the most, as are most people. (Hmmm...can you boycott something that's lacking or doesn't exist?) The idea (obviously) is not to run Seastreak out of business but to make them actually write a business plan, think strategically and long term and to stop screwing Monmouth County riders. Anyway, steady I say.

Did I mention how the coffee sucks, and how a good number of boats are consistently late and how they'll hold a boat if a woman running in heels yells "wait" but when I'm running and yelling "oh for the love of God please wait and I shall present you with riches and rare treasures more wild than you could ever imagine" the crew pretty much waves to me, smiles, and says bon voyage? Steady. Indeed, you #$%&*@ stupid #$%&!#.

Comedy, conspiracy theories, love, learning and even campfire songs...it's all on the Atlantic Highlands Herald Forums.

Let's Play Jeoporady!

A: The Bayshore Courier
(I'll wager it all Alex)
Q: What is the worst newspaper ever in the history of newspapers?
(correct answer!)

Here's a sick case of yellow journalism. For the past two weeks the Courier has featured the efforts of local police, especially Keansburg, and their efforts to combat local pedophiles. Can't argue with that. However, then the Courier exploits the case of Megan Kanka, the seven-year-old whom Megan's Law was named after, by using it an an elaborate stupid scheme to try and tell people that Assemblyman Joseph Azzolina's political rival, Freeholder Amy Handlin, is "quiet on anti-pedophile bill support." (Of course you know that Azzolina owns the paper).

Here's what the Courier has to say about Handlin:

Meanwhile, Handlin has refused to state her position on the anti-pedophile legislation. She did not return calls placed to her office by press time, asking if she would support this legislation if she is elected to the Assembly in the fall.

Azzolina did not respond to his rival's failure to comment on the legislation.

So, Handlin did not return a phone call from the Courier (who could blame her) and the Courier goes and drums up the headline Handlin is Quiet on Anti-Pedophile Bill Support. But the best part is that Azzolina is the bigger person here because doesn't feel the need to respond to his "rival's failure to comment," and apparently implied position of being pro-pedophile.

He doesn't need to comment, he lets his dirty paper do the dirty work as witnessed by the fact that the Handlin story was on inside front cover of the newspaper last week (with the lead story about combating pedophiles on the cover) and that the Courier website has the Handlin article on the homepage. Because she didn't return their phone call.

Are these people serious?

Support local art and go see Invasion for Flesh and Blood.

So it was Day One of the Seastreak Defectors' Boycott. Anyone ride the boat today? Notice any more available seats?

Rock 'N Roll?

The PNC Arts Center will be rocking this summer. That is if they add rocking chairs on the lawn and stage for all the old people playing and buying tickets.

• 6/04: Stevie Nicks and Don Henley/Free admission if you were a black cape
• 6/10: Judas Priest/I’m your turbo lover/better run for cover/no kidding
• 6/14: Santana/Hey, he's cool
• 6/18: Steve Miller/Abra-abra-cadabra/I want to reach out and whack ya
• 6/22: Tom Petty/Yeah, I got a soft spot for him
• 6/25: James Taylor/Sponsored by Ambien
• 7/01: Earth, Wind and Fire/Sure, get your groove on
• 7/16: Johnny Cougar Mellencamp and John Fogerty/Oooh, wild nights are callin'...
• 7/23: Another freakin' Evening with Loggins and Messina/Sponsored by Viagra
• 7/26: OZZFEST featuring Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden/What happened to the no more tours tour?
• 7/30: Duran Duran/Over over
• 8/06: Donna Summer/Dunno
• 8/12: Brian Wilson/Want to know how to get a lot of people really angry? Tell them the Beach Boys were overrated
• 8/14: Motley Crue/Crue, don't go away mad/crue just go away
• 8/23: The Allman Brothers/I can dig it
• 8/24: Megadeath/Megasucks
• 8/26: Journey/(ed) to my garbage can about 15 years ago
• 8/27: Meatloaf/I would do anything for love, but won't go to a Meatloaf concert
• 8/29: Alice Cooper and Cheap Trick/I want you to write another hit
• 8/30: Daryl Hall & Johnny Oates (with Tears for Fears)/I don't go for that, noooo

I feel bad for the kids. What do they get to see? Jack Johnson and Avril Lavigne? Is the state of rock n' roll and pop music in general so sorry that PNC can't sell out a few shows that appeal to people who listen to new music? Do local officials not want to deal with rowdy crowds so PNC is forced to book acts whose fans will probably nod off toward the end of the concert? Do ticket prices need to be so expensive that PNC is forced to book acts that appeal to people with "disposable income?"

I've seen some great shows at PNC, including some classic rock bands. But I also saw some contemporary acts, for lack of a better term. It's a great venue, and I have a lot of fond memories of tailgating and seeing some great shows, but PNC has become one of the last exits before you hit rock n' roll oblivion.

Some people are trying to save the Stone Pony from rock n' roll oblivion or, worse, demolition as it was named a New Jersey Endangered Historic Site.

So, speaking of sex, drugs and rock n' roll - don't miss tonight's Borough Council meeting.

Where none of that fun stuff will be happening.

At least not on the dais.

Bau-chica-bau-bau.

You Talkin' To Me?

So the Chairperson of the Harbor Commission, Helen Marchetti, wrote to the AH Herald to "set the record straight" on the rebel band of commissioners who wrote to the NJ DOT criticizing the proposals re: harbor redevelopment (without seeking debate or consensus with the rest of the harbor commission). She wanted to make sure that residents understood that these three commissioners had not formed an ad-hoc committee and were not narrow minded in their criticisms but rather were simply part of a "special committee" that handles these types of things. To which I replied on the AH Forums, "well, isn't that...special." And in return I get, "Why don't you go back to the place you made better when you left!" Which, judging from the fact that an exclamation point was used rather than question mark means this was not a question but fightin' words. Kind of like when you ask tell someone "why don't you take a stick and shove it up your @$$!?" Sheesh. Not only will I need lightly buttered popcorn and some cold brewskis for the NJDOT meeting on 5/26 but now I'm being forced to schedule a consultation with Trachel Inc. to organize my security detail. Which is just as well as the carney folk are coming soon and we need to come up with a game plan to secure the town.

Meet Assemblyman Sean T. Kean Tuesday, May 10th at Borough Hall @ 7:00 pm.

Our town webmaster has outdone him/herself this time. Click here to visit the homepage and then read the IMPORTANT EVENTS.

I encourage anyone who reads the AH Muse and commutes to NYC on Seastreak to consider boycotting Seastreak the week of 5/16. I know any change to your commuting schedule is a bummer but even if Seastreak doesn't feel a financial pinch for a week's worth of not riding you can at least make a symbolic gesture. The company suffers from unbelievably incompetent management and will continue to raise fares regularly while continuing to cut service as long as they feel they can get away with it. I know there is some good support behind the boycott effort and more updates will be posted tomorrow. I also know that "seastreak boycott" is a pretty popular search term on Yahoo and Google these days as the Muse has seen a big bump in website traffic from people using search engines and ending up on the site.

Read Lynn Azzolina's restaurant review Gianni's: Exotic Creative Italian Cuisine in Cozy Ambiance. Sounds pretty tasty, anyone know where Gianni's is? Is it the sister restaurant to Gianna's? In the review, Chef John Mandica decided to mix it up with Julia's by saying, "I'm no chef of the stars but I provide my guests with quality, quantity, and authentic Italian cooking." Let's see how the Julia's crew responds. Maybe John Valentin will show Mandica that he's still got a pretty good swing with his Louisville Slugger.

Harbor Enlightenment

Get thee to the Firemen's Fieldhouse at 4 p.m., Thursday, May 26th. McCormick-Taylor, the engineers commissioned by the New Jersey Dept. of Transportation to study our harbor and come up with some redevelopment plans will be holding a steel cage match Q&A session for residents re: the three plans presented a couple of weeks ago. Boy am I going to need a tubby of popcorn and 12-pack for this one. There will also be a survey for residents to fill out. Am I the only person who loves filling out surveys?

Congratulations are in order to Atlantic Highlands Elementary School Superintendent/Principal Martha H. Wallauer, who has announced her retirement. Not only did Marty, as she's apparently known, spend her entire 33 year career at AHES, beginning as a kindergarten teacher but she also attended AHES as a student. All that time spent in one building has apparently had a couple of negative effects on Marty as she has a fondness for the color purple (which by her request is featured throughout the new addition to the school) and she's moving to Florida.

Anyone else hear that we're losing the Bel Vesuvio pizzeria and gaining an oyster bar? It's true. And that Scenic Liquors was sold to KFC? That's a lie, relax ya stewhounds.

I usually drink my beer straight from a growler but on those occasions when I enjoy a bubbly Chimay I know my wife tells me to use a wine glass. She's right. The Beerman confirmed it for me.

The pirates at Seastreak are stealing more of my booty again. Click here if you want join the boycott.

PSA: Seastreak Boycott

From : pedersen@att.net
Sent : Wednesday, May 4, 2005 10:05 AM
Subject : Seastreak walkout updates:

Dear Seastreak Defectors:

A couple of updates: The walkout is the week of May 16th - it was earlier stated the 17th.. we apologize for the confusion - The target date is going to stay the 17th- Make sure you let people know. We need to get as many supporters as possible - so please let people know on your boats and have them email us at to show their support and to get on the email list and so we can measure who is actually doing this.

Also, I've gotten complaints from my co-workers that regularly ride the NY Waterway boats that the "Damn Seastreakers are there already and taking up all the parking" - if people are defecting early because of ticket books running out, make sure you email Seastreak and let them know you've left and why. The email address is: joanne.conroy@seastreak.com also cc: ferryfriends@hotmail.com as they are posting letters on their website and filtering letters to the press. Also bcc us: seastreak_defectors@att.net. Also note that the lot is getting fuller, so you might want to try to be on a boat before 8 AM.

For you eloquent letter writers feel free to CC: Asbury Park Press: rbergmann@app.com.
So far no response from Seastreak on the increase, and we're talking to NYWW about different incentives for former Seastreak riders. NYWW seems more open to discussing things than Seastreak.

Thanks for the support and see you in Belford!

Wassssupppp?

First I'd like to thank Ed Kelley for taking over the AH Muse last week while I was enjoying sunny San Diego with my family. While I didn't stay completely out of the loop thanks to the amazing Internets, I did miss out on quite a bit of chatter and, apparently, the "official" start of the campaigning system.

Obviously, the hot topic is the harbor. In order to put all the pieces to the puzzle together I'm going to need to schedule a visit to Borough Hall to view the town's master plan and how the NJDOT presentation from a couple of weeks ago fits into it. Between the NJDOT's large files, the mater plan's sketchy renditions online and all the bickering on the AH Herald Forums I've no idea what's going on or where to start to form an opinion. I will say this again - the harbor and the borough are one in the same and people need to start thinking that way. Our little band of musketeers on the Harbor Commission and their cuneiform letter (page 1 and page 2) to the NJDOT is just as ridiculous as before I left on vacation. I remember learning something called constructive criticism when I was in kindergarten - the chiseled stone tablet they submitted is all criticism and nothing constructive. In the coming days I hope to dissect this ridiculous letter point by point, or maybe I'll just simply ignore it because the whole saga is annoying and silly.

I'm sure I'll have much more to say after my field trip to Borough Hall on the future of our town. Right now I gotta find a copy of last week's Bayshore Courier so I can see what the controversy about Mayor Donoghue's column is all about. I also need to catch up on the progress Bishop Gordon is making on ridding the world of all those crazy Marxists here in New Jersey and beyond.

In defense of the Old Guard

By Ed Kelley

In my last blog was I a bit harsh on some long standing residents of town and their spirited efforts to oppose the three DOT concepts submitted for review to the Borough Council? Yes. Is their opposition to the concepts wrong? No, not in my opinion, debate is always healthy. Should they have formed an ad hoc committee and published a list of objections in their official capacities without first presenting it to the rest of the Commission? No. They should have followed a better protocol.

As a history buff the phrase the Old Guard conjures images of the bearded Grizzled Veterans of Napoleon’s Old Guard charging Wellington’s Center at Waterloo and failing to break the “Thin Red Line.” The Old Guard in AH is equally valiant (though not all bearded) and committed to preserving the Atlantic Highlands that they grew up in. Can they? Should they? Can you stop progress? Is there a halfway point?

I have accused the Old Guard of being self-interested, and I believe they are. Mind you not in a pecuniary sort of way these are clearly dedicated and honorable people by most accounts (hearsay perhaps but their actions and commitment are legendary and in some cases self-evident). Their self interest lies in the form of not wanting to see too much change. They are self-interested to the extent that they see that which they have wrought, through personal diligence sweat and labor, as the best possible outcome.

Not all progress is good. The insatiable hounds of Development are baying at the gates of the borough. Developers are greedily eyeing our waterfront. Does the Old Guard think they can save the day? I hope they can. Does the Young Guard think that they have all the answers? That only they can chart a safe course through the shoals and rocks that crowd the uncharted waters of future development without the advice and wise council of those that have been there before? I hope they are not so foolish. Old and New need each other.

I think the one thing Old and New should agree on is that standing still is not an option. Further it is fair to assume that both old and new do not want the Developers to build luxury dwelling boxes on the Bay Shore and rob our children and residents of the bay views. Where the conflict occurs is what to do with the existing Harbor.

In Defense of the Old Guard the Harbor is well run and magnificent in many respects. The members of the ad hoc committee should be proud of their accomplishments in bringing the Harbor to where it is today. The Harbor contributes revenue to the town and does a great service to boaters, fisherman and commuters alike.

I will close with this. Is the Harbor doing all it can do for the residents of the town in terms of sharing the waterfront?