Congrats to local humorist Ben Kharakh (of Middletown I think) on the publishing of a list he submitted to the McSweeney's website. Ben's list, "Sexual Euphemisms That Won't Catch On," was included in the book Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans: The Best of McSweeney's Humor Category. I've been slacking off on putting together an interview with Ben but hope to share some of our email exchanges soon. For those of you who don't know, McSweeney's is a big deal. At least to me.
The New Jersey Dept. of Transportation will be building a
As the Bike Trail currently ends around Route 36 and Ave. D, I had to put my legs to work last Friday when I hooked up my daughter's trailer to my mountain bike and climbed the "highland" in Atlantic Highlands to get to the bay beach in Highlands. While the exhilaration of feeling like Lance Armstrong climbing the Pyrenees was fun my legs felt like they were made of chum chutney by the time I got home. If they don't finish the bike path by next summer my
(PS - Gatorade is bunk - Long Trail Ale will replace any lost electrolytes and get you back on your feet in no time, especially if your BOF (Beer Only Fridge - thank you Mr. Beerman) is about 15 feet away from your lounge chair.
Please Mister Beerman/look and see/oh yeah
If there's a summer wheat beer in your fridge for me
Please, please Mister Beerman
Why's it takin' such a long time/oh yeah
For me to ride that bike trail of mine
Anyway. So apparently there's yet another "scandal" at Borough Hall (gasp gasp!). The Borough appointed a new Chief Financial Officer - Dawn L. Babcock - and, as always, our own Fox and Mulder (registration required) are on the case. This episode leads us down a trail of conspiracies and cover-ups and takes us to the spooky swamplands of Rutherford, NJ. You know weird stuff goes on there near dem Meadowlands - people with green faces, giants, devils, little men in silk. But it gets weirder. The new CFO was employed by Rutherford for only two-and-a-half months. THE HORROR!!
Thus our latest controversy. When the Council came out of an executive session in which the offer to Ms. Babcock was debated the people demanded to know who she was, where she worked, what she would be making, what her favorite pizza topping is and what dirt they could use to further the relentless assault on the dreaded Democratic Donoghue Regime. When Councilwoman Ladiana refused to answer these questions all hell broke loose - though I did hear the Councilwoman said that the new CFO likes pineapple on her pizza, which is weirder still (and unconfirmed). And why didn't our elected official cave into the demands of the angry mob? Because she's a tyrant on a power binge? A mad scientist that likes to tie residents up (preferably midgets) and throw food bits at them? No, she didn't make any announcements or answer questions because the prospective job candidate had not officially accepted the Council's offer. Thus, nothing to talk to about. Ah, but plenty to write about on the Atlantic Highlands Herald Forums, beginning in the wee hours and ending with phone calls to Ms. Babcok's former (then current) employer (which is how her former employer learned that Ms. Babcock would be resigning). Nice work folks! What if Ms. Babcock decided not to accept AH's offer? Now her employer knows she's interviewing. And not because she was working on her resume on company time or saying she was taking a long lunch to go on an interview or two or being just plain sloppy. No, a rabid pack of dogs had to chase down and manufacture a controversy.
Because that's how you get attention. Remind me to never apply for a job at Borough Hall.
Hey folks - buried in today's post is an allusion to an influential scientist who did strange things to midgets. Your neighborhood blogger will purchase you a cold brewski if you can name that scientist.